Gently I gave my little Josiah a squeeze as I kissed him on the forehead. "This will be a fun guys night" I said, desperately hoping, I could help him move past his uncomfortableness before he embarked on his evening out. "I am not sure about this mom. You know how to lift me better than anyone." His voice cracked with adolescence, as he spoke. My last born was slowly turning into a young man right before my eyes. I smiled as I looked at his gentle face admiring his youth. Stepping aside to allow him room to grow was not easy for me. My own anxiety of separation softly whispered to me. I secretly did not want to let go of his dependence on me any more than he did. But I knew we both had to move forward. For the past seven years I had been the only consistent immediate role model for all three of my sons. Sharing our world with anyone that did not live up to my expectations just was not acceptable at any cost. Now with these tender teen years in full bloom I wanted
I knew he still was not totally convinced he and his brother would survive the evening with out my presence, to supervise their care. I on the other hand felt total comfort in the decision to have my sons enjoy an evening out, without me. A guys night, that also still included a family member. Their loving uncle Bill would also be joining them for the evening. I felt confident between these two wonderful men my boys would not only enjoy themselves but, be very safe and well cared for. It was time Josiah allowed another caring human in to his comfort zone with out my constant presence. I just needed to assure him. I wanted desperately to explore the opportunity for them to develop a new friendships. To see them engage in outings out in the community, trusting that they could survive being in the care of someone other than me, or my sister and her husband.
Helping Josiah to advocate his needs more has been challenging for both of us. At times even disheartening for me knowing that he can become so uncomfortable in new surroundings he will not ask for help when he needs it.
We talked some more about doing things with out mom. Me reminding him he goes on field trips at school with just his class and teacher. That he and his brother stay at home alone with our sitter who is not related. Most importantly we talked about making new friends. Smiling at me, he finally said he would be fine at the races without me. But he would miss me very much. He appeared to be even more comfortable with the idea, when I asked him to be the teacher and help Craig learn how to care for him and his brother Cody. After packing my boys in the car and going over a verbal list of do and don'ts with my sons, some hugs and kisses, they left for guys night out at the car race track. I was assured through a couple of texts and a phone call the evening was going very well. The smiles my men had when they arrived home assured me, yes everything went well, very well.
As a single parent I have now reached another milestone in the DMD world. I have taken a step forward in opening a door allowing more opportunities for my sons to grow beyond my ties to them. Most importantly I have found the courage to entrust my beautiful sons care into the hands of someone I care very deeply for.
Opening our lives to something new can often be scary and exciting. When I put my sons to bed that night I asked them teasing if we should keep Craig. Cody told me excitedly "Yes we should, because Craig is a good man". He repeated several times to me, Craig is a good man, mom. Josiah called me near him to whisper, "we should keep him, but next time we should all go to the races together." Laughing I asked him why? " I thought you had fun with just the guys". Giggling he said " I like seeing you and Craig together mom, its funny when you kiss. We can keep him, but you have the next date alone." " I like that plan." I said as I kissed them both good night.