tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34579135210763922672024-02-20T20:26:17.338-08:00Behind my smileBehind my smilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06972581858393230715noreply@blogger.comBlogger162125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457913521076392267.post-37590501650008020962020-02-17T16:06:00.001-08:002020-02-17T16:12:14.916-08:00<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
No matter what she tried her newly fitted walking boot seemed to just clash. Its ugly black velcro straps might as well have been red duck tape, to Rita. She could not remember the last time she had tried on something so outright hideous. Well at least it had a platform sole, she thought to herself some more. Yes, I can still wear a heel on my other foot. Her lips curved slightly to a semi smile, an almost seductive smile. She glanced over to the wall that neatly displayed her collection of boots. Her eyes resting on a striking pare of black western boots. She had developed quite the love affair over the years with foot wear. Her obvious preference for boots could be easily noted by her extensive collection. The pair she had chosen for tonight had a modest heel that would pair nicely with that "thing she begrudgingly wore on the other foot". <br />
<br />
Her only option tonight really seemed to be skinny jeans she decided and carefully slid her foot with the injured ankle through the leg. Her jeans tucked neatly into the monster boot. She was pleased she did not have to worry about wrinkles in the fabric or bunching. Slowly she began reconnecting the velcro straps until her ankle rested snuggly between its padding. Each sound of the velcro ripping reminded her the 6 weeks would seem like a very long time. But after a serious talk with her Orthotist she had reluctantly promised him she would grow close to it in the next month and a half they would be spending together. Her only reprieve was that they would not become intimate. Her foot and ankle would be hers in the night.<br />
<br />
It really was not a tough choice the hideous boot or no walking at all. Of course she knew she would never surrender to becoming a prisoner. They would have to take away both legs and an arm for that to even be imaginable. In reality if she had to be stuck with the monster boot winter was the best time, well the was until she felt the first blast chill on the tips of the open toe orthotic.<br />
<br />
None of this she thought to herself would dappen her spirits. She was filled with joy to be getting Josiah finally out of the house. For this was the first outing since he broke his knee a month ago. Watching the wild Game in a catered suite was absolutely the best way she could think of to celebrate his coming out-so to speak. She had just finished tucking a blanket around his lap before he entered the van when she heard a voice behind her. "Hi there" she looked up to a smiling face that she could not place right away. "I have something of yours." He held out a white envelope. "Came to my house by mistake." She took the mail from him. Searching her mind quickly to place the voice while she glanced at the envelope. Quickly she asked, "are you my new neighbor?" His smile widened. Yes I am. She felt his eyes travel up and down quickly then rest on her eyes again. Before she could even respond he said. "We also dated for a while a few years ago." She knew the voice sounded a little familiar. She looked back at him. Yes, the blue eyes, there was no mistaking him, it was Billy. Oh no she stood there half smiling back .....it was, Bill Cry Eyes. Oh geez.... this day was certainly turning out to be plump full of events.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Behind my smilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06972581858393230715noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457913521076392267.post-37225349716731606702019-12-04T21:33:00.005-08:002019-12-04T21:34:57.327-08:00<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Eve and Doc sat in silence watching Zach for anymore signs that the antidote was working.<br />
<br />
Zach was not certain if his eyes were actually open as he stared at the grey haze in front of him. It seemed like he was seeing something off in the distance other than his own eye lids. He felt a surge of warmth envelope him. It started with his toes and moved quickly to his head. He just could not see past the grey haze in front of him as he embraced it. He twitched slightly welcoming the feeling and then realized he no longer felt the crippling pain that had left him unable to move. The horrific spasms that made him curl up into a fetus position and wish for darkness to embark on him. Yes it was gone. He felt light. Light -as though he had become one with the air. So light that he was almost certain his arms and legs were the air.<br />
<br />
He could hear the faint sounds of whispering somewhere behind him. They were more like muffled sounds than words. The kind of whispering you might hear at doctor office. "Dr's office' Zach thought to himself. He was puzzled was he sick? His mind was blank. "Why could he not remember anything". he thought to himself. He tried to turn his head to hear a little better. He moved it from side to side but the sounds seemed to drift farther away. He wanted to call out to them. He wanted to know who they were and why was he here. And then something else distracted him. A slight flicker.<br />
<br />
He was not sure where he was or how long he had been there, but it felt as though he was floating. Floating slowly through the air towards a dim light. A soft glowing light in the distance, that he now seemed to be following. Yes following, he was sure he was following it. It beckoned him as it moved, dancing before him like a ballerina. He could not help but continue towards the ominous light. His limbs laid limp at his sides as he floated along. Almost as though he was no longer in command of his body. All he knew was it felt good in this place.<br />
<br />
Eve and Doc loomed over Zach. They watched his color slowly turn from an ashen grey to a pale flesh. Eve whispered to Doc and they watched his body twitch while his lids flickered slightly. "We definitely have a response". Eve softly said. He was coming to, Eve just knew the injection was working and he was gaining consciousness.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Behind my smilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06972581858393230715noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457913521076392267.post-21332291656956460262019-10-30T23:39:00.003-07:002019-12-02T18:16:07.249-08:00<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Lisa had just turned off her outside lights when she heard the doorbell. It had been 30 minutes since the last trick or treaters had come by. She was almost certain when she looked down the street she had not seen any more walkers. It was only 8pm , but for her small quaint suburban neighborhood they usually did not have many children come through and by 7:30 they were usually done. Perhaps the warmer temperature has attracted some more children to stay out longer, she thought to herself. "Must be a few more still out there." She said softly to Bella her Pomeranian. Bella followed her closely as she approached the door. Her tail wagged playfully as she waited for the door to open. Bella loved when they had visitors. She happily greeted everyone.<br />
<br />
She looked through the window of the door to see how many more treats she needed to gather. A pair of black eyes looked back up to hers. He looked to be about ten years old or so and alone. He wore a dark beret and his face seemed a bit dirty. When she opened the door she noticed he was dressed in knickers and a ruffled shirt. ' Trick or treat' he said with an English accent as she opened the outer door. Lisa smiled at him as she dropped a handful of candy in a tattered looking cloth bag he held out to her. Just as quickly as he appeared he ran off into the darkness.<br />
<br />
Bella gave a low growl and stepped back behind Lisa. She had not noticed the mysterious dark man that had been standing off to the side and was now standing directly in front of her. He wore a black top hat and a black crisp cape that cascaded down to his knees. Her eyes met his and she felt a chill slowly run up her spine. He smiled at her with dark piercing eyes that seemed to see right through her. She felt almost naked as his gaze traveled up and down. He parted his lips slightly, displaying perfectly straight teeth that sparkled in the moonlight. His very strong handsome looks were hauntingly alluring, she could not help but study his face. He raised his left eye brow slightly as he spoke in a soft low seductive voice. "Good evening Lisa my dear, how are you? It has been a time a very long time. I have been waiting for you patiently. You probably don't remember me but a last I am now free again. I only desire a moment with you to help you remember." <br />
<br />
Before she even had time to respond in one quick swift move he was inside, closing and locking the door behind him. "Who are you?" she heard her self say.She was frozen with fear and fumbled backwards awkwardly not sure how all this had happened so fast. She could feel her heart begin to race and her throat tighten. Her eyes stared into his. It was if she had known him before and yet did not. She was captivated by his presence, almost drawn to him.<br />
<br />
His eyes stayed fixed on her even as he made some motions with his hand toward her dog Bella, commanding her to sit silently. Lisa's beauty was breath taking and the site of her throat sent a sensation spiraling through him. He shuttered slightly, and breathed in deeply savoring the vision before him. His hypnotic eyes slowly traveled from her neck back up to her eyes. Delicious he thought silently and succulent. The wait had been long but now there she was. As beautiful as ever. A bit more modern than she was in the past, but her beauty was unchanged.<br />
<br />
Lisa was to frightened to look away or to move. He stepped toward her and held out his hand. This will not take long my love. Before she even knew what was happening she was in his arms. Gently he brushed her long blond hair away from her neck slightly tilting her head back to expose her slender long neck. She felt helpless, unable to move and a dark unexplained yearning towards this stranger. She waited in his arms for what was next. Almost wanting more from him. It was like he had her under a hypnotic spell . She could feel his breath travel from her cheek down to the nape of her neck. Chills of excitement and fear tightly entwined together traveled through her.<br />
.<br />
She felt his moist lips gently brush against the soft skin of her neck and then a slight piercing, followed by an explosion of warmth . Ever so slowly Lisa felt herself falling as she surrender to the darkness.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Behind my smilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06972581858393230715noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457913521076392267.post-57182400089917526732019-10-16T22:16:00.003-07:002019-10-30T20:55:47.557-07:00<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Eve looked at Doc several minutes before she spoke. Her eyes were red and tired. She brushed back a few strands of tangled tresses cascading loosely around her pretty face. She bit her lower lip as she whispered softly to Doc. "Zach does not have any time left. I have to try the serum now." Doc laid his hand gently on her arm. He could feel the fear she was holding back. She reminded him so much of his own daughter. A lovely young woman like Eve also blessed with brains and beauty. Full of dreams and hope and like Eve struggling to find her way up the corporate latter. Wanting more from life as fast as possible. "Lets begin." he said. "Its his only chance."<br />
<br />
Eve filled a syringe with the serum she had mixed together. Her hand trembled slightly as she pushed fluid to the tip. Zach, her colleague and friend life was now in her hands. This was her only chance to save him. It had to work she thought to her self. It just has to. Doc helped roll up his sleeve so Eve could get to a vein in his forearm. He carefully wiped a spot clean on the young mans arm. He also examined the bite again on his hand. It had stopped bleeding now. But a dark red ring had formed around the wound. A ring that concerned Doc. He also noticed his breathing had become more shallow. He no longer felt warm to the touch and his color was so pale, almost gone. Zach laid motionless with his eyes still shut as the needle pierced his skin. "Now we wait and pray". Doc said as he put his large aged hand on her shoulder and gently gave it a squeeze. Eve hung her head down and rubbed at her eyes. ' Please God'. She felt her self whisper. "Please let this work." This gruesome nightmare could begin to end if this worked she thought to herself. Everything was riding on Zach being saved.<br />
<br />
Upstairs Cody and Josiah carefully laid the sheet down next to Blake. "On the count of three we slide him onto it". Josiah said. Blake cried out in pain as the two men adjusted his body on to the large cloth." "'Give me your tie". Cody yelled to Tony who stood watching. "I need to make a tourniquet to keep his leg from moving while we transport him." Tony handed him his tie with out hesitation. Cody slipped the piece of wood he had taken from the lab under Blake's leg. "This is going to hurt like hell but, I have to try to set your bone straight before I can tie this splint on." Cody had to help splint a few dogs before on the ranch that had become injured. He only hoped what he knew from those experiences was enough to help Blake now. Josiah gave Blake his belt and told him to bite down while they straightened his leg. Blake bit down hard on the leather and screamed through his clenched teeth. The pain almost made him pass out. Quickly the two men tied the tourniquet on and then let him rest for a few seconds. Tony stood waiting for an order. Not knowing what else to do. The three men slowly lifted the sheet and began carrying Blake down the stairs.<br />
<br />
<br />
Eve was the first to notice twitching in Zach's left hand. The side they had given him the shot. She watched silently afraid to move for another twitch. She called to Doc. "I think something is happening. His hand moved - I saw it twitch a few times." Doc squeezed her hand slightly as they waited together watching for signs.<br />
<br />
<br />
Behind my smilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06972581858393230715noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457913521076392267.post-50441409994671611632019-09-18T22:45:00.002-07:002019-10-16T20:52:49.360-07:00<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Josiah reached the lab door just as Cody was coming out. He immediately noticed a 5 inch long, deep open wound across Cody's right fore-arm. He stared at it briefly. It was jagged at one end. He was not sure if it resembled teeth marks and that frightened him. Bright red blood trickled slowly down to Cody's large farm hand. From behind him in a back corner of the room he could see the rabid female thrashing her legs and arms as she sat strapped with some kind of cords and a mans belt to a chair.<br />
<br />
He felt a shiver of fear run through him as he waited for Cody to speak. He knew what he wanted to hear from him, but as much as he tried to fight it the sting of a deadly fear began enveloping him. "Its not a bite. In my struggle with her" he motioned toward the lab with his head "one of the cabinets shattered. Pieces of glass flew everywhere. I am thinking my arm must have took the brunt of the hit. Its not bad. It does not feel like there is any glass in it." He said wanting to reassure Josiah. "Man -We have to stop the bleeding." Josiah ripped a large strip of cloth from the tattered sleeve that hung on one of Cody's massive arms. Cody made no movement as Josiah made a tourniquet for the wound. Quickly he scanned his new friend for any other possible wounds. "Are you sure she did not get you anywhere?' "No, she put up a good fight for a little thing but I held her back. It was her thrashing limbs that caused us to dance a bit." Josiah looked at Cody. The man was huge he could have easily crushed her skull with his hand he thought to himself. But he didn't. Even in danger Cody remained a true cowboy. A gentleman to the ladies. Cody almost felt a bit embarrassed that a filly had given him that much trouble. Even if she was a crazed flesh eating one at that, she was a female and he had been taught how to treat a lady.<br />
<br />
He could almost still hear the words of his wise Grandfather Frank. A huge cowboy like himself. A man who loved the ladies and they loved him back. "See son its our job to protect the woman". He told him, one day when he was about 5or 6. He and his older sister Missy had began wrestling over an old hand me down hat of his. Missy had felt her two years Senior over Cody had out ranked any right he had to claim an item as valuable as the old stetson. She needed it to be like calamity Jane. Cody had no intentions of letting his sister romp around in the great mans hat. "Even if they get on our last nerve we got to treat em right. We gotta treat them like a lady even if they are not always acting like one. As men its our job to keep them safe and always be a gentleman to them. They are soft and pretty and well one day you are gonna see how valuable they really are. God made it that way, Its just that simple." Cody lived by those words. <br />
<br />
Josiah now feeling a bit relieved replied. "Those gnashing teeth just don't stop. "They are like a piranhas.' Cody answered back. " "She came close a few times but she secure for now. And I didn't see anymore of those beings. Lets just let her sit there for now until we get Blake help and can decide whats next."<br />
<br />
Tony could hardly look at Blake as he stood next to where he laid. The smell filling the hallway was intense. It was taking everything he had to not hurl again. If the smell of death and rotting flesh was not bad enough the site around him was even more gruesome than the smell. He was not sure what direction to even look. He was disgusted that things had gotten this out of control. He needed to get out of there fast. Further more he could not understand what was taking Cody and Josiah so long to get back. He looked down at his now stained Armani slacks. " Ruined ' he murmured to himself. "Christ". He brushed at his legs as if somehow it would remove the droplets of blood that had sprayed him earlier.<br />
<br />
Every so often a surge of pain ripped through Blake's legs and traveled up his back. He winced inwardly with each wave and felt nauseous as he road it out. It felt almost like several jagged knives were being shoved deeper into his thigh muscles.<br />
<br />
<br />Behind my smilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06972581858393230715noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457913521076392267.post-76049532256463324552019-07-25T08:35:00.000-07:002019-07-25T08:35:02.959-07:00<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I am not even sure there is a word for what I was feeling. I was beyond feeling joy. I kept my eyes fixed on Josiah as he sat on an adaptive water ski between 2 skiers. His smile told me everything I needed to know. He was on his second lap around the lake and beaming. What was even more incredible was that they were not holding onto the back support of his ski. He was skiing himself. Hints of water began to moist my eyes. How was this even possible I thought to myself. It was incredible.<br />
<br />
It is moments like this when it just does not matter how we got here. Just that we did. Maybe just maybe this really is all part of that big master plan the man up there has for us. One thing for sure its during times like this when I don't think about all the sleepless nights I spend up caring for them. The unending hours spent at medical appointments and Hospital stays. The heartache and sorrow that almost drowns me at times, while I watch my sons fight for enough muscle strength to simply lift a fork to feed themselves. Because its at times like this when that all fades. I embrace the joy and simply know every step we took to get here was all part of this journey for reasons I am not sure of the we were chosen to travel.<br />
<br />Behind my smilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06972581858393230715noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457913521076392267.post-41621866178443053692019-07-10T22:58:00.002-07:002019-09-18T14:21:01.272-07:00<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Josiah placed his phone back in his belt holder and wiped at his brow. He looked over at where Eve was working with Doc. She had mixed some of the vials she had retrieved from the lab up stairs together and was now studying them under a microscope. Doc sat closely next to her in silence.<br />
<br />
"You are coming with me upstairs to help Cody." Josiah ordered at Tony. "There are more of those things up there. I am not leaving this room." Tony said stepping back from Josiah, almost cowering away. "The way I see it you are responsible for all of this. I am not giving you a choice." Josiah placed his hand on his pistol as he spoke. His eyes glaring at Tony as he felt its hard handle against his fingers. He was almost daring the man to give him a reason to shoot. Tony stared at the officer. There was no back up man for him to call now to do his dirty work. He felt nausea rising from the pit of his stomach. The sites and smells he had scene filled him with a fear he had never known. "<br />
then I need a weapon." he almost hissed back at Josiah. Josiah ignored his request and walked over to Doc. He handed him the second gun he had tucked in his back. "Doc use this if you have to. Don't take any risk...... if you and Eve want to get out alive."<br />
<br />
<br />
Josiah pulled the other gun from his holster. "Lets go." He said to Tony motioning towards the door with his head. "Don't do anything stupid and stay close to me, you will be fine." Tony followed the man. Part of him wanting to flee. Yes flee, leave the country, he thought silently to him self. He could make a mad dash to his vehicle, get the hell out of this nightmare. He could phone his assistant Vanessa to have a plane ready, some clothes and cash. He had money stashed in a Swiss bank account, he could live off that for a while. He could hide out in some little resort in Mexico till this all fades. A car yes I need a car. He fantasized a bit more. His thoughts were abruptly brought back to reality for a moment. Shit he thought to himself, he did not have the keys, his driver had them. They were with his driver. His dead driver. His color went ashen. He did not have a chance in hell to escape with out a car. The two men walked in silence up the stairs. Josiah called out to Cody as they reached the first landing. "Were just around the corner on the second landing". Cody called back. <br />
<br />
Cody had been planning how they were going to move Blake. They had to get him out of there safely. He had remembered seeing some sheets in one of the closets in the lab, when he and Eve were looking for the vials. They could stretch Blake out on one of them he thought to himself. Easily they could get him back downstairs and wait for help.<br />
<br />
Just as Josiah and Tony reached the scene Josiah heard is cell phone go off. He looked at the name it was Eve. "Eve whats happening?" He quickly said as he answered. "I've got an antidote. I want to try it out on Zach. He is getting worse. If there is any chance at saving him we need to try it now." He could hear the desperation in her voice. "What does Doc think?' She handed the phone off to Doc he spoke with a low soft tone. Its his only chance to keep him from turning into one them." "We are with Cody now. We will head back as soon as we get Blake ready to move. Do it. But keep a close eye on him." He ended the call and turned back to Cody. "His leg is pretty bad we are going to have to move him carefully. Wait with him." Cody said to Josiah. " I saw sheet in one of the labs we can use it to help move him. Josiah agreed with a nod and knelt down to asses Blakes injuries better.<br />
<br />
Tony could no longer contain his nausea. The site of the blood soaked half headed corpse just a few feet from where Blake rested was to much for him. He tried desperately not to look at the splattered brains and human tissue that hung loosely from what remained of the shattered skull. He turned his back to the men and released the contents that had built up in his throat. He kept his back to them as he tried to regain control of himself. Beads of sweat dripped from his forehead as he spat out the remains of fluid and bial left in his mouth.<br />
<br />
The loud sounds of objects being tossed around in the direction of the lab immediately caught all their attention. "Stay with him. Do not leave him Josiah said as he cocked his gun moving toward the direction of the noise. Tony stood frozen realizing he and Blake were now defenseless. "Are you mad you cant leaves us here like this, defenseless." He called out after him. "Its your job to keep us safe." he screamed.<br />
<br />
Behind my smilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06972581858393230715noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457913521076392267.post-53372556521475203532019-05-23T01:31:00.002-07:002019-05-23T01:31:09.445-07:00<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I sat next to the ambulance driver in silence. I felt numbed with fear. My hands nervously fumbled with the items inside the small overnight bag I held on my lap. The bag I had made ready-for the just in case- we would not be back home tonight. My fingers grazed the soft fur of Josiah's stuffed green Mind craft Creeper man. His comfort possesion. I smiled slightly as an image of Josiah snuggled in his own bed with his arms wrapped around the Creeper guy flashed in front of me. Oh how I wished that was where we would be right now. I sat in my silence listening to the conversations behind me. I could here the EMT's soft voices as they sat next to Josiah in the back. For every bump we felt in the road they made small apologies to him for the discomfort. Then, every so often, I'd hear "you are doing great Josiah." I imagined Josiah just looking at them with his big brown eyes, smiling back. He was in good hands now and his vital numbers were looking good. I knew I had to trust he would be okay. But the fear of "knowing" almost strangled me. <br />
<br />
I had seen the numbers on his oximeter earlier. I heard the fear in the telle -nurse's voice as I read her the numbers displayed on the meter. I had heard the concern from the 911 dispatcher as we waited for the ambulance. And I knew Duchenne was merciless. It did not yield when it made its claim on its victim. Most importantly I saw the fear in Josiah's eyes as he described to me what he was feeling while we waited for help.<br />
<br />
I adjusted my self slightly in my seat and replayed the events of the last few hours in my mind. It just did not make sense to me that his heart rate readings went so high. He was on a Beta blocker. His last echo was actually normal. His oxygen level and his past history with pneumonia did give me concern that possibly there was something happening in the lungs. I could feel the fear growing in me again. It was almost one year to the date that Josiah had last been hospitalized for pneumonia complicated with uncontrolled seizures. It was a very scary two weeks in the hospital where I watched Josiah crash twice before he finally made a turn for the better and started to respond to treatment. It was also during that stay when he was diagnosed with epilepsy. Another disease to add to the list that already complicated his fatal diagnosis. <br />
<br />
I could feel tears threatening me again. I was tired and scared. The reality was- to date Duchenne remained a killer. An untreatable fatal disease often complicated by other underlying symptoms from other ailments or diseases. Simply put their are no survivors. So, I was scared, we had escaped death a year ago. This is a fear every parent with a child living with Duchenne faces at some point in their journey. <br />
<br />
The ambulance pulled up to the emergency doors. I watched as they unloaded my baby, my last born. his smile warmed my heart. I felt a sense of relief that soon I could have some answers as to what was happening or happened with Josiah. I knew I had to be strong. Josiah needed me to be.<br />
<br />
We did not spend the night in the hospital. Three hours later Josiah was given a complete clear and released to go home. Every blood test they did came back normal. We wont ever know why or what made Josiah's numbers go so crazy. Its possible that Josiah may have experienced a panic attack and that sort of sent signals off. I however feel blessed and will gladly take that answer. I am over joyed to say, Josiah has been seizure free and no signs of pneumonia for a year. His ekg and echo all read normal his lung x-rays look great. I don't know the ' when and how" and I try not to think much about that. We have " now" and I will run with that. <br />
<br />
<br />Behind my smilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06972581858393230715noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457913521076392267.post-24000408668363723202019-02-27T18:28:00.001-08:002019-02-27T19:24:48.153-08:00<div style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 200%;">Cody ran in the
directions of the deadly screams. He heard the shot even before he reached
the top of the stairs. Cursing he looked out at the horrific site before
him. "Jesus Christ, Mother of God", the words slipped
softly off his lips. "How many more of these flesh -eating creatures are
there?" He stood for a few seconds frozen at the scene.
Watching as a large disheveled man fell in a slump next to another man dressed
in uniform. It looked to Cody as if the Officers bullet was a direct hit
to the deranged man’s chest. He could see a pool of blood surrounding another
man. A man that laid very still on his side near the officer holding the
gun. He too also looked to be in uniform.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 200%;">Blake kept his
gun in place. Ready, in case he should need to fire again. His eyes
followed down the now smoking narrow end of his pistol, and then to his
attacker. He felt almost certain the hit was enough to put the
creature permanently down. He let out a low sigh mixed with a hint
of relief and pain as he tried to slide his broken legs away from him.
Still trying to get a grasp at what just happened he glanced at where
George lay in blood soaked motionless heap. He cursed at the sight of his
partner.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 200%;">With in
seconds of being shot the hideous rabid being began to move again.
Blake gasped in horror as he watched the animal like man raise his head
once again in a crazed hunger for human flesh. It was insane what he was
seeing. But the pain he felt from his injured legs assured him
this night mare was no dream. This
was real. He pushed with his left arm in a desperate attempt
to slide backwards, while ardently trying to keep his gun positioned on his
target with his right hand. The smacking of teeth carried an echo filled
with death through the air. Blake tried to use his legs to help move
himself, but it was useless. He groaned in pain with the attempt.
Fear crowded in on him as he felt death loom closer. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 200%;">Cody wasted no
time and screamed loudly "shoot him in the head. You have to put a bullet
in the bastards head." Blake could see drool and blood escaping
from its distorted mouth as the creature continued to crawl towards
him. Its amber pupil less eyes glaring as if it could see the depths
of fear now surfacing from deep within Blake. Without looking to where the
voice came from he squeezed the trigger and waited. This time making a
hit directly at the beast’s head.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 200%;"> He could
feel sharp pieces of bone and moist human tissue hitting his face, as
blood and skull fragments exploded in front of him. Blake blinked
several times as he felt warm droplets spray near his eyes. During his
ten years on the force he had not ever once fired a shot to
kill. His right hand trembled as he lowered his pistol. Both men
watched as the now partially headless figure fell forward with a loud thud
next to where Blake rested. There was a stillness that immediately filled
the hallway as they stared at the fallen man in silence, watching for
movement.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 200%;">It was Cody
who spoke first. " Don't try to move anymore. It looks like your
left leg is pretty mangled. I will have help here shortly."
Cody tried to help Blake straighten a little so he could rest more
comfortably while they waited. Unable to move his eyes Blake just
stared at the corps with a bloody stump where there once was a head.
All that remained was only a hint of a lower portion of a jaw and
chin. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 200%;"> Josiah
looked at Tony with disgust as he listened to Cody explain what had happened
over his phone. He wanted Tony to see that he held him responsible for
every life lost here. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
Behind my smilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06972581858393230715noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457913521076392267.post-23545382598581211662019-01-30T15:34:00.001-08:002019-01-30T15:34:46.888-08:00<br />
<br />
The two men stared at each other frozen momentarily as they heard Cody's voice come over the radio that Josiah held in his left hand. He sounded winded and scared. "I have two more of these rabid beings thrashing around up here." They heard some loud banging sounds and then Cody's voice again. "I am not sure how long I can keep them contained. They have broken down one door already." There was some more scuffling sounds and a few groans and growls. "I am sending some help. Keep your self safe at all cost. Do what you need to do." Josiah glared at Tony as he responded. Then looked over Tony's shoulder to where the two uniformed officers stood. "You both need to get up to the second floor now. Be ready for anything. These crazed humans seem to have only one thing on their mind, eating flesh."<br />
<br />
Blake and George raced down the hall toward the stairs. Trying to be cautious for movement as they moved past door ways. George really did not understand any more than Blake. One thing was clear, whoever or whatever it was held responsible for what they had seen so far, was still at large.<br />
<br />
Blake was the first to reach the top of the stairs and did not see the huge rabid man until he had lunged forward towards him. It caught him off guard and in one quick motion he felt himself slip falling backwards. His legs flailed wildly in the air as he lost his footing on the step. There was nothing under him until he felt the stairs impact on his back and legs. The room went black as pain enveloped him.<br />
<br />
George tried to stop his partners fall. But as he reached out to help his friend the beastly man pounced wildly at him. Together they tumbled down the stairs. When they landed George was pinned beneath the huge ghastly figure. He did not even have a chance to pull out his gun before he felt an awful pain tear through his body. He screamed out as he felt a large piece of flesh being ripped from his shoulder. He thrashed in a desperate attempt to free himself. The pain from his muscle and skin being ripped from his body was almost paralyzing. He let out a loud gasp while he tried to catch his breath and fight to free himself. The hideous creature was to strong and he felt teeth clamp down on him again. The bite took a large portion out of his throat. Blood spewed out of him like a fountain. George began to gurgle as his throat filled with the warm thick liquid. he breathed one long last breath before the room and everything around him began to fade.<br />
<br />
Blake tried to move his legs as he opened his eyes. He heard his companion's deadly screams and desperately tried push himself up. He managed to get to a half sitting position. Pain throbbed in his lower back and twisted legs. He let out a low groan as he attempted to move his limbs. Five feet away he saw George laying in a mangled bloody mess, with a monster attacking him. It was insane what he was seeing. The creature continued ripping flesh from George with his teeth while George now laid motionless. He pulled out his gun and felt the bullet fire. It ripped into the grotesque man chest, knocking him part way off George. The monster man was covered in blood and tissue. He watched in horror as he saw the creature struggle to push himself back up. Turning his head in the direction the bullet had been fired from he snarled. His amber pupil less eyes stayed fixed on Blake when he saw him. With gnashing teeth and fragments of blood mixed with saliva spewing from his mouth he let out low animal like roar towards Blake while he pushed his himself up onto his knees in an effort to try and position himself to make a full attack on his next prey. <br />
<br />
From inside the lab room Cody heard the screams. He swung with all his force and sent the rabid female he had been trying to contain flying hard across the room. Her head bounced in several directions as her torso and shoulders made impact on the wall and then to a metal cabinet and then finally to the floor. He watched as a pool of blood began to form where her skull had split open.<br />
<br />
<br />Behind my smilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06972581858393230715noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457913521076392267.post-84740030597860747182019-01-16T19:45:00.001-08:002019-01-16T19:45:27.230-08:00<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Tony studied Josiah's face for a moment before he spoke again. He had to somehow take charge of the situation. His head pounded and he felt sick to his stomach. He looked down at his Brunello Cucinelli Italian loafers. He cursed as he noticed a slight stain of blood on the side of his left foot. The whole scene was a gruesome nightmare. This just could not be happening, he thought to himself. He needed to get this country hick to back off him. He wanted the files he had sent Nathan in to get and he was not about to let some Barney Fife get in his way. Not only that he had to make sure Eve was held responsible. Most importantly, Tony had to make sure none of this lead back to Copeland's head office pointing a finger at him. He had everything to lose and he was not going to let that happen, not ever, no matter what it took. "What happened here." He demanded again, in a tone that bellowed through the air. Josiah stepped aside slightly to let Tony enter the room. "You tell us what you and your Copeland group created out here." Tony surveyed the room in silence. How the hell could things have gotten so out of hand. He wondered to himself. He felt his perspiration build and his pulse quicken. How could the sheriff and the other law enforcement idiots still not have the situation under control. His eyes went directly to where Eve was working. He felt the heat of anger rise in him. That bitch he thought to himself as he stared at her. In one of the corners of the room she had set up what looked like to him make shift a table top lab.<br />
<br />
Eve studied a blood sample she had drawn from Zach's arm under a microscope, silently. Then made a few notes in a ledger book. She rubbed her temples and closed her eyes for a second. She could feel fatigue fighting to take control. She looked at another small specimen tray of fluid. Then turned a few pages in another spiral notebook. She went through several more notes, suddenly it seemed she found something. Something perhaps that she had been looking for. Eve did not even bother to notice Tony had entered the room. She looked over at Doc and motioned for him to come look at the scope.<br />
<br />
It was hard for Tony to hear as the two spoke softly to each other. Anything she might have found he needed to know about. He started to move in closer to where the two conversed. Josiah grabbed at his arm roughly. "Why don't you just start telling us what the hell your labs have really been doing for the past 6 months." Tony pulled his arm back and stiffly jerked away from Josiah's grip. "Take your hands off me. I think Eve would be the person with all the answers. She has been in charge here since we opened trials." Tony sneered at Josiah as he spoke. He was insulted to be addressed in this manner and wanted to make sure the sheriff understood he refused to be addressed this way. Josiah stared into Tony's face waiting for the man to answer-almost daring him to make a move. It almost seemed the he had no regard for the human life that had been lost.<br />
<br />
Josiah hated cooperate guys like this. He knew the kind. They ride in on their high horses only after they send in the front guys first. Tossing their power around wanting people to scramble at their beck and call. Passing the blame to keep their own name clean at all cost. He believed Eve when she said she had placed several calls in to the headquarters weeks ago, when she first suspected something.<br />
<br />
Eve turned rising to her feet as she heard the shuffle between Josiah and Tony. She felt disgust as she looked at her boss. She was beginning to put it all together now. The incomplete files, the early release of study participants. The frequent change in staff shifts. All the different lab people Copeland had recruited that had passed through her office, it all was beginning to make sense now.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Behind my smilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06972581858393230715noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457913521076392267.post-62700915836919054532018-10-31T19:53:00.002-07:002018-10-31T19:53:44.231-07:00sleepless hours <br />
<br />
The sun was not yet peaking over the horizon as I looked out across the lake. The water was calm and the world still seemed to be asleep, at least from where I stood. Well every one but us-special needs moms (specifically DMD moms) I silently thought this to myself. I envisioned so many of them that I have come to know over the years. Awake and alone like me at this early hour. Gazing out at the world pondering in the silence. Perhaps even sharing spiritual thoughts with a higher power.<br />
<br />
It was the third time for the night that I had been summoned up stairs by my terminally ill sons to turn them. Which really was not a bad night in the Duchenne world, I reasoned with myself. I had had my share of many nights where I just eventually gave up sleeping after the 7th request for assistance. That was also a time in my life when PCA help was only a dream. A time when I could only imagine what undisturbed sleep was like also. So the soft whisper calling for me over the monitor alerted me from my scant sleep. Quickly I moved up each step and gently entered the bedroom Cody and Josiah shared. Swiftly I shifted them on to their sides and helped them snuggle back under the covers. All while keeping the conversations my chatty Cody wanted to start, on a very minimal side. Finally with both their bi-pap masks re-positioned back on to their faces, I quietly left them to fall back to sleep.<br />
<br />
It was one of my scheduled nights to do over-night care. Normally a night or two short on sleep would hardly phase me, but it was already becoming a long week. I was short on PCA help, over booked with Medical appointments for my sons and challenged with meeting the demands of a world I felt very disconnected to and honestly out of place in .<br />
<br />
I shivered as I walked across the cold wood floor, towards the windows that over looked the small lake we lived on. How still the world seemed right now. I could see the slight hint that dawn was now upon us. I scanned the lifeless lake. It appeared to be even to early for the ducks to be out. Yet here I was roaming about half awake. My body felt weary and a dull ache ran down my neck.. I felt physically tired, but my mind was alive racing with thoughts. Thoughts that made me even more aware of the differences I felt towards the world outside. I let my mind wander in the quiet. My purpose and my existence exposing itself even more to me.<br />
<br />
I have fought hard to get us to where we are now. Having accepted long ago that this life as caretaker is my journey and it is solely up to me to make it all work for my sons and I. This place that I have made into a home for us simply made me feel good, provided me a sense of significance that gave me purpose, and most importantly love- beyond anything I have ever known. But attach to all that is the harsh reality that one day my journey will be met with deep sorrow. All that has made me become who I am and that I cherish will leave me in the wake of loss. Leaving me to question my own self worth. I have accepted that Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy ultimately forces me to decide who I am and who I will continue to be. And again I will be faced with new questions and choices.<br />
<br />
But right now I did not want to analyze my life and question why these things have come to be. Why disease and death are a part of this world. Why was it so intimately attached to my own. All I wanted was sleep to desperately rescue me, from all the words, that echoed in my head. It did not seem to make any sense that as sleep deprived as I was, that I just could not sleep. Why was it so hard for me to just let go, to turn my brain off. Why was the world unfolding in my mind at this very early and rather ungodly hour. I wondered and then wondered some more. I was worn. Before this day had even begun, I was already feeling exhausted and drained. And then as it often does the very thing I questioned hit me.<br />
<br />
I am simply worn out. Exhausted from clinging to hope while fighting despair. Spent from pushing past my fears. Tired from a journey that demands everything I have and more with no monetary gain. Drained and weary from the challenges and obstacles that attempt to tear me down, Heart broken from loss, realizing the "all" that will never come to be, and the losses I have yet to face.<br />
<br />
But also feeling-<br />
<br />
Almost overwhelmed with determination and strength at times. Driven to succeed with self sacrificing dedication. Accepting that this is all for a greater reason than I can comprehend. Unflagging devotion to my life altering journey. Most importantly knowing this is the ultimate love and choice for me. That this challenge I have accepted - is my only ambition. A choice that has made me who I am. A choice I am proud of.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Behind my smilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06972581858393230715noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457913521076392267.post-65404810703497991672018-10-17T23:47:00.001-07:002018-10-17T23:53:43.028-07:00<br />
<br />
<br />
Zach heard the voices drift in and out. He wanted to call out to them but as he parted his lips to speak a darkness swallowed him. Slowly his mind drifted. Like a small boat lost at sea in the night. Thoughts and images flashed past him in a blur. . Slowly he drifted farther away as if there were large waves tossing the tiny vessel. Suddenly he began to see familiar faces of family that had passed. A fear swept through him as the images faded into a darkness that hovered around him.<br />
<br />
Was he dying he wondered. Was he already dead. Was this the place you go to wait to cross over. He remembered feeling pain and that to had now faded. He tried to open his eyes, but they felt heavy. He felt to weak to fight anymore and let the darkness envelope him.<br />
<br />
Doc placed a hand over Zach's forehead and then listened briefly to his heart and lungs.<br />
His body felt hot and damp from the perspiration of the fever. He lay motionless except for the occasional jerkiness of contracting muscle as they spasmed and then stiffened. Slowly he lifted and eye lid open, to examine the whites of his eyes. He let the blood shot eye close. and wiped at his own brow. The fever had spread and his heart rate was growing weaker. Doc looked over at Josiah. His face told him it was not good. Most likely time was running out fast and Josiah did not need words to tell him that. He stepped over to where Eve worked with the vials and a microscope. Everything was depending on her now.<br />
<br />
Images began dancing in front of Zach again. Images of when he was a child, perhaps around ten. He could not see his face but he knew it was himself. He was laughing as he was running through a field. He felt the warmth of the sun and an occasionally tickle as blades of tall grass brushed against his bare legs. He was certain it was summer but he could not make out where he was. But he felt safe and happy. Something was running close behind him. It ruffled through the knee high grass, keeping stride with him. The bark of a dog caused him to turn and he saw his child hood dog, 'Share". She bounced along following in the wake of his path. He smiled and called her name.<br />
<br />
Out of know where an image lunged at Share. She yelped as the dark figure grabbed her. Zach stopped. The sun quickly faded and shadow of darkness surrounded him. Frozen he watched as a hideous man beast shook his beloved pets tiny body as his gnarling teeth clenched down on her throat. Zach screamed as he trembled in shock. The human monster turned toward him with blood splattered across its unsightly face with Share still clenched in his blood stained hands. He tossed her tiny lifeless body and took steps toward Zach.Behind my smilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06972581858393230715noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457913521076392267.post-43741246036042360512018-10-03T20:06:00.002-07:002018-10-03T20:17:06.582-07:00<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
It was the second day that I had to force myself to get up. I stared at the ceiling blankly before I made any movement. My head pounded and I felt a burning sensation run down my neck into my shoulders as I turned my head towards the clock. It was getting late I had to start moving. But as I turned my body to the side, my legs felt heavy and also ached. A queasy uneasiness passed over me. I had to get up. It did not matter how I felt. It did not matter that I had not slept more than 3 hours for the last few nights. I had to disengage from this pity party that seemed to make itself at home in my mind. There was more to my existence then my needs. I had two lives in particular that relied on my constant care. Also there was no one else to fill in for me. It was just that simple- there was no one else.<br />
<br />
I threw my legs over the side of the bed. A surge of pain traveled up into my back. My body felt weighted and lifeless. I pushed my shoulders back, as I stood up, straightening myself. Why was I feeling this pain I wondered, to no one. It was not like I had done anything different the last few days. I stepped away from the bed and attempted to stretch through the aches. A tingling feeling labored in each foot as I stepped towards the door. I wished more than anything I could crawl right back into bed. Hide from the world hide from life. Just hide. It was no use pretending what I was feeling was real -life, well my life anyway, had just become to much. I was drained. Tired of smiling my way through the sorrow. Tired of hoping for more. Tired of waiting to exhale.<br />
<br />
The house felt chilly and I shivered slightly from the cool air. I took a deep breath and tried to picture my happy place. I was not even sure I actually had a happy place. But I remembered a conversation I had with a psychologist when Josiah was hospitalized last May. Sometimes we need to step away from our thoughts by mentally drawing ourselves somewhere else, I was told. The first image that came to my mind was -Me in my kayak floating on my lake. For a second I could almost feel the sun beating down on me. Then the water became choppy my overwhelming thoughts rushed back to me. <br />
<br />
My sons needed me and nothing else mattered because I was their means of thriving. Every aspect of their survival depended on me. Even if they had an itch on their nose they needed me. My only ambition was to take care of them, to be their arms their legs and at times their only friend. I passed by the hallway mirror just outside my bedroom door. I glanced at the reflection of me. I looked the same. A bit worn, a little disheveled with a hint a grey threatening my roots. At least I did not look as bad as I felt I thought to myself.<br />
<br />
With my head still pounding I dragged my body up the flight of stairs toward my sons room. I stopped and listened just outside the door. I could hear the slight hum of Josiah's bi pap. No, they were not calling for me yet. Quickly I moved into the kitchen to prepare their morning meds. My mind raced with thoughts as I maneuvered around the kitchen. Another uneasiness rushed through me. It came at me so hard I rested against the kitchen counter. My gut ached and I felt a sadness swallow me. With in seconds I was overwhelmed with emotion. Sorrow filling my core as though I was an empty vessel. My eyes filled with tears. I blinked as pools cascaded down my cheeks. I was frozen amidst this flood of unwanted feelings. Trembling from this hostile take over. Becoming lost in my own sea of despair as every fear and sad memory lunged toward me . I quit fighting and felt myself surrender under its siege. I just wanted it to end. I wanted to be numb again, be free of the sorrow. I had no time for this.<br />
<br />
The message echoed through my mind over and over, I had no time for this. This falling a part business. Yet I had no more control over what was happening than breathing. Some days it just took more than I felt I had to offer. The moment was interrupted as I heard the soft call "MOM". Instantly I wiped at my eyes. The emptiness slowly parted and a new feeling began to stir with in me. Something that pushed me to rise above the sadness that tried to hold me captive. A force that guided me to a purpose. Yes, that was it - I had a purpose. There was way more to my life than just making sure my stomach was full and I had clothes on my back. There was more to me than living for an occasional night out. I had purpose, I was needed. My life mattered to someone.<br />
<br />
I know there will be days when the isolation and disconnect will wrestle with me over my very existence. There will be times when hope fades and I will have to pick myself up once again and continually I will need to be reminded I have an amazing purpose. I will hang on to knowing that I am the heart that keeps the journey going "I am a mother". <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Behind my smilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06972581858393230715noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457913521076392267.post-82630665221984599782018-08-08T15:32:00.004-07:002018-08-08T15:40:55.450-07:00the Duchenne Warrior<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I held my phone in my hand. I was at a loss for words as I looked at the posting of a friend on Face book. A single tear rolled silently down my face. My heart broke for her as I studied the photo. The beautiful photo of her next to her son, as he laid in bed. It also broke for her family and it broke for her amazingly brave son, who had given everything in his fight for life. I breathed in deep. I hated this disease with a passion. I knew the sorrow it brought to the families that were touched by its unrelenting attack. After all I had been living with it my entire life. I understood the anger, the fear and the tormenting loss. But even I at this time was at a loss for words. What do you say to a mother as she is saying the final goodbye to her terminally ill son. What words of comfort can you offer to the family that has gathered around their beloved for one last goodbye. I tried to imagine what I would want to hear. I had nothing. Nothing except that, I would want to know people cared. I would want to know that it mattered in some way that my son would no longer be here. I would want to feel the out pour of love in the most purest form.<br />
<br />
The DMD community had been sending words of heart felt support honoring this brave young warriors decision to cease in his battle with Duchenne. As best we could from different corners of the globe we posted prayer hands and hearts. But the harsh reality was at 27 years his young life was ending. The day had come for him to fly. He like most of us in the DMD community understood, this was a battle he would never win. All the machines that had assisted him this far only prolonged the end that would come, no matter how hard we hoped or prayed for a treatment, or a cure. This very brave young man had made a decision no young man should ever be faced with. A decision many of us parents with older sons living with this disease fear we may one day be faced with ourselves, far far to soon. A very brave decision that would finally give him peace and end his immense suffering.<br />
<br />
I wiped at the second tear that had begun to form. My son Cody had just turned 25 years old. Oh yes, how I hated this disease. I sat alone in silence thinking about what being 25 years old means to a terminally ill young man. The grim stats are all there in the Muscular Dystrophy medical journals. I also thought about what it meant to me, the parent of a son who was approaching a medically defined expiration date. I felt the fear and the deep sorrow. The fear that is so intertwined in my daily life it has now become a permanent part of me. A fear, that is sacred and that <i>I</i> cant allow to be treated lightly so I keep it hidden. The daily sorrow as a DMD parent I keep silent from the world. The sorrow of knowing the fate to come.<br />
<br />
It is a cruel and harsh reality for our sons. One that we as Duchenne parents struggle with daily. We will watch helplessly. Worn and grief stricken as our sons eventually, lose in their battle. But only after suffering for years with this monstrous muscle wasting disease. This is a journey that somehow we have been chosen for. A fate destined with heart break and loss.<br />
<br />
I looked at my friend in the photo and then I glanced at my own reflection through the window I was sitting by. We were both just mothers. Mothers to young men whom we loved unconditionally. Young men in battle for life. Mothers who watched their sons dreams die as Duchenne progressed. Mothers filled with fatigue but who learned to be strong even when overwhelmed with fear. Mothers who faced each day with unconditional love for their courageous sons. <br />
<br />
I looked back at the photo once again. Blinking back even more tears. I hated this disease so intimately. But even in its ugliest form I have been honored to embrace a love unfamiliar to many. I now saw not only a Mother but, the essence of love in the most purest form. I saw the joy she held for her son. The deep joy in sorrow that brings us the most perfect love. I embraced in the warmth. Yes her heart I knew was breaking but the spirit of the love between her and her son spoke of compassion and truth. This love I understood.<br />
<br />
On this journey we will undoubtedly at times cling to hope and prayer. But in the end when our hearts are broken we will turn to our circle of family and friends for love, support and strength. My prayer for my friend and the many other Duchenne families that have lost a loved one to this horrific disease is " May you never feel you are on this journey alone. May you find strength when despair is near. May love always find its way to you and keep you."<br />
<br />
<br />Behind my smilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06972581858393230715noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457913521076392267.post-40686848681494556192018-07-11T20:25:00.003-07:002018-07-11T22:51:21.612-07:00yes we can<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I began covering my son Josiah's arms with sun block, occasionally peaking over his slender shoulder towards the splashing sounds I heard coming from the water behind him. Josiah silently kept his brown eyes fixed on me. I knew he felt nervous and yet still very excited to have this opportunity. His silence was expected as he processed this event. We had been talking about this opportunity for several days, me prepping them with what to expect. Now the day was finally here. I glanced over at Cody, my middle son, who chatted excitedly with Paochu, his PCA and my right hand helper. She carefully spread a thin line of sun block over Cody's new tattoo. Paochu smiled as she assured him how fun it was going to be and how excited she was for him. I took a deep breath. As excited as I was for my sons I also felt the slight tingle of fear stirring with in me. <br />
<br />
I was hesitant when first introduced to the idea of this new adventure. I knew the limitations my sons had with their very weakened muscles and the complexities Josiah's new diagnosis presented to us. I relished over the many things that could go wrong. I understood I had to surrender the control of the situation to the many hands that were now coming out to make this event happen for my sons. I also knew the challenges we were about to face would require a team effort to ensure both my sons safety. But since the very beginning of our journey into the Duchenne world I had promised my sons and myself I would not limit their experiences because of my fear and the limitations set by their diagnosis.<br />
<br />
The moment we had deployed from my van we were cheerfully greeted by members of the "Shock waves" adapted water ski team. Almost immediately they were assuring me and my sons every safety concern I had would be addressed and that they planned on giving my sons the best possible experience while in the water. All that my sons needed was the will to want to try this new adventure.<br />
<br />
I watched frozen in awe, as a boat whizzed by us. Two skiers were positioned on either side of a young man that was sitting nestled on an adapted chair ski. Safely behind him a jet ski followed. My eyes stayed fixed on them as they passed by us. The skiers waved excitedly to us smiling and laughing. The crowd around us cheered and clapped. I found myself excitedly cheering back. I choked back a small cry of pure joy. This was really going to happen today. My two severely physically challenged sons were going to water ski.<br />
<br />
I looked at Paochu with a nervous smile. She smiled back and assured me simply " they want this and they can do it'. I wanted this for them as much as they wanted to do this. But my motherly fear fluttered inside me. We gave the ski team members, now gathering around us, instructions on how to lift my sons. Also pointing out the best way to position them when sitting. While Cody was carefully brought down to the water to wait his turn, I fitted Josiah with his neck brace and a floating neck pillow, designed to keep his head upright when in compromised conditions. Items I had brought from home. Items we kept handy in a closet because of our love for adventure. Paochu stuck close to Cody in the water as they prepared for take off giving me great comfort, while I hovered over Josiah. She helped assist with his life jacket and double checked to make sure he had been securely fastened in his ski seat. As if it were magic, we watched, my almost 25 year old son with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy fitted in a adaptable water ski seat, water ski around the lake. I felt my eyes moisten while snapping the camera. My sons once again were defying the odds of this horrible fatal disease.<br />
<br />
As Cody was brought just as safely back to me, his smile told me all I needed to know. This was as magical to him as it was to me. This was a moment we would savor for a long long time to come. As if on cue Cody turned to me and said. "Mom I am going again, I love it". We then worked to position my youngest and medically fragile Josiah into an awaiting ski chair. I jumped into the boat that would be pulling him. Tears of pure joy fell from my eyes as I watched my child, who we had almost lost to pneumonia 6 weeks prior, now water skiing.<br />
<br />
This journey has taken me down some very difficult trying paths. At times leaving me doubting what I am even capable of doing. But its my sons who seem to some how help me find the strength I need. There have been many times Josiah and Cody have asked to do some very challenging things that require me to really push myself. If this wonderful group had not found their way to us I never would have ever imagined water skiing would have been one of them. I don't know if there are even words to actually describe the pure joy that exploded in me watching my sons water ski.<br />
<br />
I don't pretend to know anything special about caring for a special needs child. I only try to let my sons lead in the direction they want their journey to go. I try to help us face our challenges the best I can and accept that sometimes what we want is out of our hands. I am so thankful they have been so blessed to have so many windows of opportunity open for them. I am so thankful for all the wonderful people that have entered into our lives and given of them selves to help my sons soar.<br />
<br />
I cant wait to see where the path takes us next.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Behind my smilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06972581858393230715noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457913521076392267.post-88932835566325444502018-06-18T00:28:00.000-07:002018-06-18T20:52:02.995-07:00I needed to believe <br />
<br />
<br />
I watched as his lips started to turn from a pale pink to a deep purple. My heart raced as fear began to rise up my throat, making me feel as though my own air was being cut off. I knew this fear. It was not new to me. I had been down this road twice before. Five years prior with my eldest son Zach, who has been spared the diagnosis of Muscular Dystrophy. Then again 18 months ago with Josiah. When he had caught influenza and pneumonia. I felt so powerless, as we waited for the ambulance. Faster, I squeezed the large ball attached to the mask I held over his face, that forced air into my baby. Josiah"s big beautiful scared brown eyes stayed locked on me. His lips pursed slightly. "Don't talk baby." I urged him. "Just breath, help is almost here."<br />
<br />
I did not need a doctor to tell me what was happening. Tears rolled down my face uncontrollably on the way to the hospital. Josiah had aspirated on saliva. What I did not know was that one of the drugs he had been prescribed, for depression and OCD, side effects produced excess saliva. Saliva in amounts to great for him to swallow safely.<br />
<br />
In the ER I felt so small and utterly alone. A mouse clinging to the side of his bed, begging for his life. Watching through eyes blurred from tears, I saw the numbers. I stepped back as a crash team came running. We were loosing Josiah. I felt an arm around me as one of the attendees tried to assure me they were doing everything they could, and I needed to let them do their job. I wanted to hear the words he will be fine, but I saw the fear as I looked around the room. And then my baby seized. More staff came running ( stat). I took another step backwards. His poor little body shook and then went stiff. Another staff person began asking me questions about his history if any with seizures, blood clots and his heart.<br />
<br />
I stood there frozen feeling utterly alone, with pieces of me breaking. I watched his vitals plummet. I needed to touch him. To make sure he knew I was still here. Most importantly I needed to call him back to me. Seconds later they were whisking him off to scan for blood clots. I was that small mouse again. Only this time in a corner alone, quivering in a wake of tears, begging God.<br />
<br />
Three days after being admitted into the hospital his vitals began to crash a second time. He had another seizure, it took him two days to come out of. I became lost in my fear that he might not be coming home with me. My fear was now accompanied with anger. Anger that my son was not getting better. In fact they were having a difficult time stabilizing him. Along with that anger a new sorrow had begun to grow with in me. I knew the course of this disease. I had watched it savagely attack my three brothers through my childhood, until it claimed their lives. Now helplessly again, I watch my two youngest sons in the same battle with this merciless monster. As a mom watching her children in daily battle with a fatal disease, I also ardently pray, they do not suffer this horrible fate longer because I am selfish and can't let them go. Its a deep inner battle, I struggle with, daily. There will be some of you who will not even come close to understanding this.<br />
<br />
I stayed at Josiah's side for two weeks and three days during his stay in the hospital. My fear felt so great, I at times trembled. Fear from knowing, he will leave me far to early, and there is nothing I can do about it, because that is the reality with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. It was a few days after Josiah had crashed for the second time and had not yet showed to be making any improvements that I saw him laying in bed with his hands folded together across his chest. I watched from across the room in silence. A bit surprised he even had the strength to be able to put his hands together. Even on good days he often needed my assistance to move them. Several minutes later he asked me to turn him on his side. As I helped him I asked what he was just doing with his hands together. He said quite simply "talking to God." I smiled at him. And then THE question came. "Mom am I going to die." What was left of My heart broke. For him and for me. I was so very scared and desperately wanted to hide my fear from him. But as I looked at his beautiful face, I saw it. He had folded his hands. There it was, an improvement, my sign. It was then that I saw "what" he needed from me. I felt the tears fall. I let them , it was useless to fight them. What he needed now from me, was strength. Strength that I BELIEVED he would recover and come home with me.<br />
<br />
I wont lie and say I even pretend to understand anything at all on this journey. The tears fall frequently and most days I am to scared to even exhale. As for prayers its usually me yelling at the power upstairs. For those of you who gasp at that notion-Seriously he already knows who I am and what I am going to do. Its me who has to learn on this journey. For the record I have to share I always add in "Please don't let me be selfish by asking him to suffer more on earth, for me. Give me the strength to let go when its time.' In those difficult days at my sons side when I felt as useless as a scared mouse, I believe I was meant to be right where I was at the exact moment "he" intended.<br />
<br />
Josiah lungs and heart are good and they did not find a blood clot.<br />
But we do now finally have an explanation for his seizures. So he has been diagnosed with more complications from another condition that he will have to live with. However he made a complete recovery from aspirating. We have the saliva issue under control. He was released from the hospital after 17 days. I embrace each day with my sons because for now his journey is not over. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Behind my smilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06972581858393230715noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457913521076392267.post-32750576749991163392018-04-26T08:37:00.000-07:002019-01-29T14:30:09.026-08:00<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Eve moved quietly in next to Doc where he sat next to Zach. He had been watching Zach closely. His color was beginning to fade to an ashen. He spent more time unconscious now and his breathing seemed more labor. She did not need to ask how he was doing. what she saw told her they needed to act fast.<br />
<br />
She laid the vials out in front of her and Doc. "Tell me what you know". He said. "Give me the details on what the lab was doing." She pulled out the reports she had brought with her. "It looks like they were injecting all the participants with the vial labeled Alpha PTC9." She paused and read some more. "But there are parts in the report with highlighted symbols and notes referring to file incomplete. It looks like there was another compound created but no notes on the studies who were injected." Doc looked at the reports. "Eve" he asked taking in a deep breath. "Could there have been participants given a second injection that know one on your team knew about. No one that is other than a staff person operating under another order?" Eve's colored drained from her face.<br />
<br />
She remembered corporate coming in to visit and touring the labs. Her boss in particular was very interested in the labs techs. He had asked her to report to him directly, all the research teams names, hours they worked the lab and the files they were working on. He had even arranged to recruit a few of his own guys. He created a lead position in the lab. A lead she knew reported directly under him. He wanted his guy kept abreast on all activity in the lab. Because he was her boss she had followed his command even though it left her in the dark as to what exactly his own team was doing in the lab .<br />
<br />
There was the sound of commotion coming from the hall. Josiah placed his hand on his pistol, motioned for Eve and Doc to stay put and hurried out to the hall. Blake and George had entered the compound with Tony. The Bloody corps in the hall stopped them all in their tracks. They looked up to see Josiah standing watching them. "what in the hell is going on here". "We were called in for back up. We did not know it was a multiple homicide case " . Blake informed him. Tony pushed past George and Blake. "Where is Eve ?" He demanded. I am the CEO of Copeland. Eve called me this morning.Behind my smilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06972581858393230715noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457913521076392267.post-33900845652324037322018-04-11T12:32:00.004-07:002018-04-25T12:51:56.237-07:00<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Cody felt a slight vibrate from his phone. It was Josiah. Sending him a text to let him know Eve was safe with him. Cody walked back towards the lab, feeling somewhat relieved. He peaked in through a small window on the labs main door. He watched silently as the female figure staggered aimlessly around the room. She dragged her feet across the linoleum floor, as if they were to heavy to lift. Bumping into a chairs and tables occasionally. He stood for a few moments watching, not quite exactly sure what he should do with his capture.<br />
<br />
His thoughts wandered monetarily back to Eve. He felt himself grow warm as he pictured her face. Dang, he was into her. There was no use fighting it. Before all of this he was not even sure he could feel anything like this again. It was certainly not in his plan to allow his heart to feel so fast.<br />
<br />
When things had ended with Julie two years prior he had sworn off women. He scraped up the shattered pieces of what was left of his heart and vowed to keep himself occupied with the ranch. The news of his break up traveled fast through the little town of Hill City. It did not take long before some of the single women began paying him attention when ever he ventured into town. On occasion a few would wander out to his place to pay a little neighborly hello share a beer or two and extend an invitation to a home cooked meal. Cody though a bit reserved, had always been neighborly and making small talk was just second nature to him. It was a bit obvious there were a few gals who made it very clear they had intentions to help the broken hearted hunk forget Julie fast. Cody had never been a one night stand kind of guy and even after a few beers casual sex was just not what he wanted, no matter how alluring he did knew he longed for more. He politely declined there advances and made his trips into town less frequent and kept to himself as much as possible.<br />
<br />
So he stayed busy and kept to himself, until the day he found Eve. Dazed and hurt bent over his water spicket. Perhaps it was her vulnerability in that first moment he had laid eyes on her, or, her strength and determination he saw now, that attracted him. Whatever it was it was clear she had brought feelings he thought he had buried alive again. He drew in a deep breath has recalled the kiss they had recently shared. Yes, it was definite he felt things for Eve. Something more than what he had felt for Julie even. Julie no doubt was beautiful and had pleased all his senses. But there had always been apart of Julie that longed for something more than what the ranch and he could offer. Her desire for a faster more exciting life pulled her in a direction that lead her to the arms of another man. A man that possessed a life style Cody could never give her.<br />
<br />
His mind was pulled back to the present as the sound of something crashing to the floor filled his ears. He moved quickly down the hall towards the sound. A few rooms away across the hall he stopped and carefully moved towards the door. "Jesus, its gotta be another one."he said softly to himself . Just inside the door he watched another rabid being push obstacles out of his way as he moved. He was a larger man moving about, in the same crazed condition he was now becoming accustomed to seeing. At the sight of Cody he moved swiftly toward him. Gnashing teeth and drool splattering from his gnarled face.<br />
<br />
Cody raised his fist as the man lunged at him. The impact send the rabid being sputtering backwards. He landed in heap on the floor. All Cody knew at the moment for sure was the sooner he could help end this madness the sooner he could concentrate on Eve.Behind my smilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06972581858393230715noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457913521076392267.post-35644116405493270732018-03-14T13:26:00.001-07:002018-04-11T09:58:07.915-07:00<br />
<br />
<br />
Cody and Eve made their way back down the hall towards the stair case. She carried the vials close to her with every intent on keeping them safe. She wanted this nightmare to end and hoped the answers they needed were resting in her arms.<br />
<br />
Suddenly Cody stopped dead in his tracks. He reached out and grabbed her arm silently and put his fingers to his lips to alert her from making a sound. She stopped immediately and turned her head towards the direction he then pointed. They could hear rustling. Some movement was coming from one of the rooms to her left. Cody held his gun out and slowly moved forward towards the entry. "Whats in this room." Cody asked her softly. "Its a supply room mostly. But there is a second door to it. Through that room." She pointed to the next door, which was slightly a jar. "Which is another smaller lab, we use mainly as a kind of lounge now for the night staff." Cody motioned for her to get behind him. She did as he asked and clutched the vials even tighter to her bosom. Her heart pounded. Not another one she thought to herself. Whatever this virus was seemed to spread like a wild fire. He moved slowly through the door way. Holding one of his arms slightly behind him as a guide to keep Eve back where she would be safest.<br />
<br />
His eyes followed the back of a slender figure, staggering towards the other doorway. Eve peered under Cody's arm to get a look. She recognized instantly it was one of her lab techs, disheveled and awkwardly moving. She remembered her name- Megan the new gal. "Its Megan." She whispered to Cody. "She works for us. She is an intern, I just recruited her two weeks ago." "She's been bit. look how she is moving. And from the looks of her, she most likely bit someone else too." Cody said as they stepped in the room. Bits of red was spattered across the front of her blouse and ran up both her arms. The ends of her long blond hair also seemed to be mixed with blood. He noticed too some red texture clinging to a few strands cascading around the side of her face.. Most likely human tissue from her prey he thought to himself. "She is infected. We can't leave her wondering here, she puts us all at risk." Eve grabbed Cody's arm. "Wait, can't we- do-do something for her. Cody - we can't. We cant just shoot her." Eve spoke with such sorrow he could feel her pain. He could also feel her trembling as she pulled on his arm while she spoke. "Josiah, come in." Cody spoke into his radio, with a voice just above a whisper. "Got something for us?" Josiah's strong voice came back seconds later. "Yes, Eve has the vials. But we also got one of those um- walking rabids, moving around. A female. Looks like she has had herself some dinner, but I have not seen any remains laying around yet." He paused and gave the room a quick glance around. "She been up here wondering in one of the labs. She has not noticed us yet. So far this female is it -all we have seen." "Shit. Jesus." A muffled voice spoke back. "We can't just let her be lose." Josiah thought for a second before saying anymore. He could feel the heat rise under his arms. No telling what else they could run into up there. Zach was getting worse, he needed them to act fast. "Anyway you can lock her up? Restrain her some how, then check out the floor some more? Without getting bit that is." I can look around and maybe I can lure her back into the office and lock her in, Eve has a key." " Jesus, man. I was afraid of this. Afraid there would be more. You cant leave her lose but, you need to get back here with those lab tubes, now. Get Eve to the stairs I will wait for her at the bottom. Then you go back and lock that thing up." "Sounds like a plan." Cody said looking at Eve.<br />
<br />
Eve nodded. She knew she had to get back to Doc and somehow try to fix things. She and Cody backed out slowly and moved swiftly towards the stairs. "Be careful Cody." Eve said and just as fast grazed her lips in a dry kiss across his cheek. She felt herself instantly grow warm. She then turned quickly and took the steps hurriedly. Josiah was waiting for her just as he had said.Behind my smilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06972581858393230715noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457913521076392267.post-89691848914700720982018-03-01T08:30:00.001-08:002018-03-11T13:36:29.718-07:00<br />
<br />
<br />
Eve and Cody headed down the hall way. They passed a few motionless bloody corpse. The stench was almost suffocating. Eve desperately tried to keep her eyes focused on the exit door ahead of them, which lead to the back stairs and up to the second floor. The second floor was quiet. Nothing seemed disturbed in the area. "What is up on this floor?" Cody asked Eve. " Some labs. Closed off of course, with a secured entrance." She said pausing to look at him." My office, a couple supply rooms and about 5 inpatient rooms in the west wing. All Locked off from the rest of the second floor. I have a key in my office for the labs." She lead him down another very still hallway. The quiet was almost deafening. Cody checked the handle of every door as they passed. Peering inside each one briefly to make sure they were alone.<br />
<br />
The pair found Eves office unlocked. They entered the door with Cody pushing her behind him. Eve gave a gasp as she noticed a desk chair had been overturned and a few drawers had been pulled open with the contents spewed over her desk and around the room, as though someone else had already been there searching for something. She pulled open the bottom right side drawer and pulled out a small metal secrets box with a single key inside. "Got it." Eve said turning around and almost running to the the door. Cody followed closely behind as she hurriedly led them towards the labs.<br />
<br />
The lab was still locked and seemed to be intact. Eve wasted no time once inside. She went directly to the a small fridge pulling out a a tray of vials. Carefully she examined the label of each small glass tube. "Alpha PTC9", she read it over again softly. Pausing as she remembered, Marie from the lab telling her about their recent findings a few days ago. An Antidote of some sort, That increased white blood cells when provoked by infected red cells until new red cells could be regenrated. When Eve alerted Headquarters about the labs findings they were immediately instructed to refrigerate the serum label it Alpha PTC9 tell no one until there were further instructions. Eve understood in the medical research field they had to be very careful to not leak out information before there was data to back it up. They especially did not want any information leaking out into the wrongs hands. Especially a group of radical activist that could out everyone at the center in danger. So it did not seem an unreasonable request. But it troubled her greatly that a few of the volunteers had disappeared in the night a few weeks prior to the serum being discovered. It also left her very uncomfortable that there were things happening in the lab (her lab)that she had not been breifed on.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Behind my smilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06972581858393230715noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457913521076392267.post-86224691202531022672018-01-03T20:26:00.000-08:002018-02-09T11:05:52.754-08:00<br />
<br />
<br />
Tony's driver pulled his car up in front of the compound. He felt a heaviness in his chest as he quickly scanned the courtyard. "Shit. What-What in the hell." Tony mumbled to himself. His eyes moving slowly around as he looked at the parked squad cars and then at a motionless figure laying on the ground off to his right. About a yard from there was another clothed mass laying on the ground. He was certain it too was of human form maybe even more than one. Motionless, and it too slumped to the ground in an awkward entangled position. This is insane he thought to himself. He was seeing exactly what Nathan had described to him over the phone. How could this even be possible.<br />
<br />
His driver put the car in park and sat in silence, waiting for further instructions. Tony tried calling Nathan on his cell phone again. Still no answer. He cursed some more and slammed the phone down on the seat next to him. "Shit. I will just have to search for the idiot myself." he said with disgust and a bit of fear rising in him. Lewis his driver moved quickly and opened Tony's door. Instantly as Tony stepped out of the vehicle he was hit with a breeze, carrying an unfamiliar stench. He turned full circle to look around the courtyard. He felt the hot sun beating down on him and the build of perspiration breaking out from under designer suit. He removed his Armani jacket, and loosened his tie. Lewis stood next to him in silence, paralyzed with the beginning of his own fear. Just what had he been dragged into, he thought to himself. As Tony raised his hand and wiped at his brow, he could faintly hear voices coming from the back side of the building. He laid his jacket on the seat, grabbed his phone from inside the car and began walking towards the building. He motioned for Lewis to follow him. With out a word his driver shut off the car and did as instructed.<br />
<br />
George and Blake stood side by side looking down at the rabid beastly man, they now had hand cuffed to the car door. He continued to claw and grab towards them. Wildly he shook his head from side to side. Growling as saliva sprayed from his distorted blood stained mouth. He made no indication he understood anything they had said to him or that he even was aware he was now connected to the vehicle.<br />
<br />
It was Blake who first noticed Tony approaching them. He walked briskly towards the two officers. Both men turned to look in Tony's direction. "He must be part of this operation." George suggested. Blake placed his hand on his holster just in case. "He does not look crazed, maybe he knows something. Maybe. Maybe he can tell us whats going on here." "Who is in charge?" Tony asked in a very demanding tone. "Hold on there. " Blake snapped. "Who are you?' "I am Tony Everett. CEO for the company that runs this research center." "I left Eve Porter in charge of running the center.""Where is she and her staff? Which one of you is in charge and where is the rest of your force?' I see 3 squad cars parked in front." Tony paused for a brief moment to glare at the disgusting drooling man bound to the car. " And What is going on with this man?" Before either officer answered any of his questions Blake stepped toward Tony, holding his hand up for him to stop. "If you are the man in charge why don't you tell us what is going on here." " We called for backup. Dispatch said all cars are here." "When we pulled up we found this man attacking another man." George pointed around to the side of the car where Nathan now lay bathed in his own blood and very still. Tony gasped as he walked around the front of the car and looked at the body that laid soaked in a pool of blood. Half his neck and left shoulder were missing. The man looked as if he had been savagely ripped open by some beast. "Jesus." Tony cried in shock. The color drained from his face as he looked closer and discovered in horror it was Nathan. His inside man he had hired to help cover his tracks.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Behind my smilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06972581858393230715noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457913521076392267.post-55443937067785289892017-10-26T20:15:00.003-07:002018-02-04T14:03:23.408-08:00<br />
<br />
Eve pulled herself back from Cody and looked up into his deep brown eyes. She felt her heart skip a beat, as he brushed a piece of loose hair that had fallen across her face away. He looked back down at her. Their eyes meeting and locking briefly. The rush of energy she felt go through her, almost took her breath away. From the moment when she had first laid eyes on Cody she felt a strong current pulling her to him, as if he were a magnet. The gentle way he had carried her in his arms to the ranch house and cared for her wounds when he had found her collapsed at the water spicket, had made her know she would be safe with him.<br />
<br />
His gorgeous eyes gazed over her face, stopping at her lips momentarily. He gently wiped away some dirt from the left side of her bottom lip. She fought hard to keep him from seeing it quiver. A slight excitement rose with in her as he parted his lips and breathed in deeply. 'Oh God" she whispered silently in her mind. His touch seemed to awaken things inside her. Things she had not felt in awhile. Feelings she had neatly packed away some time ago. Safely locked up deep inside. In hopes to allow her shattered heart time to heal. Heal from another time in her life when she had been vulnerable to love. Love that had left her hurt both physically and mentally. A chapter in her life she did not want to think about or reopen, not now anyways. She had promised herself she would concentrate on her career and not let anyone steer her away again. She had spent the last two years burying herself in her work. With a little counseling and a career move she felt confident she was finally moving forward and leaving her painful past behind. Men had become something she hardly noticed or cared about. Eve had grown use to dinners alone in her apartment and spending nights by herself doing paperwork or working in the center.<br />
<br />
Now somehow even with all this tragedy around her Cody had turned on switch in her.<br />
She desperately wanted to know him better and wondered if he could see just how much. Why was this attraction she had for him so strong, she wondered silently and why now. He is a man. Just another guy, a cowboy who found her pretty face and petite features attractive, she argued in her head. Yes a very handsome one at that but, most likely, no different from all the other men she had met. Her sexual attraction for him simply made no sense at a time like this. Fear dangled all around them. It was insane what she was feeling right now. There was death and danger surrounding them yet, she longed for him and envisioned herself to be in his strong safe arms, alone with him, away from all of this. She wanted to feel her flesh on his. She felt every part of her deeply drawn to him.<br />
<br />
She took a deep breath to calm herself before she spoke. ''Zach is getting worse. One of us needs to go outside and see if something happened to the backup we called for. The sirens have all stopped. Its been several minutes since we've heard anything." Cody nodded as she spoke. "I was just thinking the same thing. Cody answered back. "You stay in here with Josiah and Doc. I will go out there and see what's going on." Cody walked over to Josiah with one arm still around Eve, keeping her close to his side. "I'll go take a look out there. It does not make any sense why the back up is not in here yet." Doc spoke softly. "It does if there are more of these rabid men out there." He looked at Josiah and waited for a response. "We wont know waiting in here. Cody take a gun from one of the down officers. You stay here on guard for more of those things in here. And help Eve look for something that might help Zach. Doc keep working on Zach. Eve, you said there was some kind of insulin that the center was researching. Can you tell us where it is in the compound?" Josiah asked while he checked the bullets in his gun. "Yes its in the lab on the second floor. But If something happens to you Josiah we are just sitting ducks in here." Eve said. "We don 't have a choice. we need to move fast." Cody said quickly. "Cody I will contact you when I know something. In the meantime you cover Eve while she looks for the insulin." Josiah said tossing a radio to Cody. He walked over to the other slain officer and took his gun from his holster. "Doc ever shoot one of these?" Doc nodded. "Use it if you have to. Shoot the sun of a bitch in the head if you see one. Don't let them get to close Doc. Don't wait till its too late." Doc took the gun from Josiah and set it down on the table beside him. "Doc promise us you will use it." Cody asked. "Doc did not like the idea of taking a life. He was in the business of saving them, But he shook is head yes and then looked down at Zach. Josiah shared a look with Cody. They both knew if Zach somehow turned rabid before they could help him, Doc would not be able to do it. Damn they needed to act fast.Behind my smilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06972581858393230715noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457913521076392267.post-7732207599583400392017-09-11T12:10:00.000-07:002017-09-13T20:38:54.233-07:00<br />
<br />
Nathans screams stopped George and Blake in their tracks. They had only made it a few feet into the building and turned to look back at the door. "It came from outside". Blake whispered. "There was nothing moving out there when we pulled up. I am not sure which way it came from." They stood silently for a moment listening. "There are a few cars parked around the north side. You go around to the right I will circle the left." George nodded. He tightened his grip on his gun and swallowed hard. An uneasiness filled him. <br />
<br />
Just beyond the south side of the compound Blake saw some movement near a car. He looked around the yard and then back to the moving shadow. He swiftly moved in closer. It appeared to be a man bent over something-another person. "Do you need help? Is everything okay?" The figure kept his back turned as Blake called out. Blake studied him as he kept walking towards the pair. He pulled out his radio to alert George he had some activity. The man still made no acknowledgement that he had heard Blake. He remained in an awkward hunched crouched position over someone. Once again he called out. "What are you doing. What is going on?" <br />
<br />
George had made his way completely around his side of the compound before he saw Blake walking towards a parked car. He moved in swiftly behind Blake and followed his partner. Nothing about the scene looked good and George stayed silent waiting for his partner to instruct him. 'He has not responded to me calling to him." Blake said in a low voice. He pulled his gun and shouted for the man to stand up and move away from what they could now tell was a body on the ground. Still no response. Blake moved in fast and grabbed the man pulling him backwards and then onto his stomach. While George rushed to the motionless figure on the ground. <br />
<br />
Neither Blake nor George had been prepared for what they were seeing. The man fought to get back to his feet. Blake held him down hard to cuff him as he thrashed and growled. George bent down to look at the large gaping wounds on what was left of Nathans neck and face. A pool of blood encircled the ground around his body. The rabid man twisted and turned while gnashing his teeth and managed to get onto his side. Saliva spewing from his mouth with blood and chunks of flesh as he hissed and growled. George felt the need to purge as he tried to get closer to check for a pulse on the other man. He had never seen anything so grotesque. It was an almost robotic attempt to asses what he already knew to be. The man had to be dead with that much of his neck gone he thought to himself. "Christ". George said feeling for a pulse while fighting back his nausea. "Half his face and neck is gone. Jesus what kind of monster is this son of a bitch? He was eating him." Blake had the wild man now cuffed, but struggled with holding the assailant down. "He does not answer, its like he is not able to talk, or won't." "Look at his eyes. His pupils are dilated and his whites are yellow. Its like he is on something." Blake tried talking to him again. Still no response just more thrashing and gnashing of teeth. George turned to help his partner steady his hold on the man. "Lookout- The son of a bitch is trying to bite you." Both men pushed the beastly man back to the ground on his stomach and looked for something to cuff him too. "Lets get him closer to the car and cuff him to it." <br />
<br />
Inside Josiah looked around the room and tried to asses the casualties in his mind. He knew he would need to make a report of the injuries and loss of life. He ran each incident since they arrived through his mind. None of the madness seemed real. He felt drained from this nightmare but knew it was not over yet. He walked over to where Zach was resting. " Doc how is doing?" "Not good." He answered back in a hush tone. "He is burning up and floats in and out of consciousness." "we are gonna have to make a move if he is going to survive." Josiah knew they had to check out the rest of the compound and find out what was keeping help from reaching them. He looked over at Cody they needed to make a plan and act fast.<br />
<br />
<br />Behind my smilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06972581858393230715noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457913521076392267.post-8243374597864478992017-08-03T23:04:00.002-07:002017-09-11T09:45:49.699-07:00<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Tony headed straight for the car his assistant Vanessa had waiting for him. He really wanted to stop for a drink before going to the center but the last message he received from Nathan had sounded urgent. To urgent he thought to himself. He tried Nathans phone again. "Damn voice mail. Just where in the hell could he be." Tony said mostly to himself. He looked around the town car, disgusted that Vanessa did not book him a supplied limo. Jesus after all he is the CEO. Just as he felt the agitation rise Eve's face flashed through his mind unexpectedly, diverting his thoughts momentarily. "Eve" he said softly to himself. He felt a warm sensation rise up his inner thigh as he said her name again. Her curvy figure quickly flashed before him. Damn he had a lust for her he could hardly control. Just how bad did Eve mess up things he wondered, still hoping his assistant Nathan was dramatizing things out. Well he thought, he would clear things up and hang on to hopes of getting to know Eve a little better before he exposed her for this mess. Or if not, the hot little number from the plane would certainly satisfy his needs. Kayla's alluring face rose the temperature up a little more. He closed his smoldering eyes for a second as he envisioned having them both. The ring of his cell phone quickly interrupted his adulterated thoughts.<br />
<br />
<br />
"You have got to get here quick. The place is a bloody battle field. Nathan yelled into the phone. "Don't tell me to settle down. <i> </i>I am getting out of here." Tony kept his voice low as he tried to instruct Nathan. "Calm down we can still cover our tracks, but we need those files on every recruit from the study now. If I go down I am taking you with me understand." Nathan shook his head and wiped some sweat from his brow before he spoke. "I am not going back in there. What part don't you understand of what I told you. I just watched some animal like human attack a cop and then watched him get his freak en head blown off by another cop as he bit into the first cops throat. Its crazy man. There is blood and body parts all over. You can get your own damn precious files yourself. There are more police outside the compound trying to control the man eating creatures." Tony felt his temper rise. Man eating creatures unlikely -he thought to himself. But fine he would entertain the thought for Nathans sake. He could not lose him now. He needed the little pricks help even if he was turning into a raving lunatic. He decided he could dispose of him later. "Okay okay breath. I am listening to you. Are you in a safe place Nathan?" He asked trying to sound concerned. "Can you tell me where Eve is or any of the other staff members?" "I got a glimpse of Eve earlier. After the first shot I heard her scream and saw her outside with three men. but I am unsure of the others. Its hard to tell who is laying outside headless. Its insane, grotesque. I -I ". He stammered "I am scared really scared man." " Nathan I am about 20 minutes away. You keep yourself safe but you have to locate those files and destroy them if you have too. I have someone else already working on the files online. Nathan you have got to stay calm, our careers our lively hood is in your hands. This will all be over soon. Get back in Eve's office and keep searching." Nathan felt better knowing Tony was on his way. This did not seem real. It could not be real. "Okay man just get here I'll do what I can." <br />
<br />
<br />
He saw the hideous creature move towards him. Saliva streaming from his snarling grey lips. He just stared at him with glazed over amber shade eyes. He paused drooling and staring. Nathan watched as the man clenched his teeth together and almost growled. He took a step backwards as fear like he had never known invaded him. His foot hit something that moved and caught him off guard. Nathans phone flew out of his hand and he felt himself tumble backwards into a chair. The rabid man moved in fast. Nathan screamed as his attacker lunged at him. He raised his fist to fight off the assault. The man hardly seemed stunned by the impact. Before he could move again he felt flesh from his arm being torn off and then another bite. Excruciating pain traveled up his arm. He looked to his side for some sort of weapon to help aid in his defense. Before he could even turn his head back he felt a piece of his neck savagely being ripped from him. His last thought was how much he would miss his children. his world went dark. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Behind my smilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06972581858393230715noreply@blogger.com0