Overwhelmed with emotions, I search frantically for some way to resist the surrender to the panic and fear I feel growing with in me. Apprehension, provoked by my Josiahs' upcoming spinal surgery. The ominous anger that consumed me years ago when my two younger sons were first diagnosed with DMD once again enervate my strength. Duchenne, again, paralyzing me in my fear.
The months and weeks of awaiting Josiahs' surgery date has now turned into days. As we approach his surgery date I feel my existence tested more than ever. For the first time in seven years I feel the travail of this life threatening disease and my abilities of single parenting. Having never questioned my capabilities to care for my two sons with DMD alone before, I am lost to this new sense of insecurity.
In my heart I am paralyzed with daunting fear I may some way fail in my attempts to be all he needs. In my mind my I know I have no choice but to be the strength he will rely on.