I stood in the black glittery almost stiletto heels staring at my self in the full length mirror. My legs appeared a bit longer and more slender. Yes, the shoes my younger sister Roxanne had left behind, when she came to visit for Easter did help me feel sexier, maybe even a bit younger. I loved the sparkle, the shape and the height it gave me. I smiled, admiring the way my calves appeared to have lengthened. I followed my reflection, stepping back as I turned slightly to catch a side glimpse. They were deffinetely very glamorous shoes. Shoes that were me, perhaps some 20 years ago. Shoes, that I would have danced the night away in and not given the heel height a second thought, years ago. Shoes, that even though were my size, no longer fit in my life. Shoes that belonged in my younger sisters life style.
Carefully I stepped out of the high heels and planted my feet squarely back on the hard wood floor. Twirling in my new dress I headed back down the hall to my bedroom. Waiting for me in my closet were a lovely pair of sensible strappy sandals in black patent. I slid my feet in them and stepped back out in to the hall to critique my image. My freshly painted pink toenails matched the hot pink trim in my dress perfectly. While the heals were some what lower, I was very pleased. My feet I decided looked pretty with a sleek sexy bareness about them. Without anymore hesitation I knew my outfit was now complete and I was ready for the prom dance I had been invited to with my two younger sons the coming weekend.
My sister Marie and I had busily spent the early part of the week shortening our formal gowns to just above the knee. Having been unable to find dresses that created the elegance we wanted in shorter lengths we opted to design our own versions. By altering the hems lines of some off the rack prom dresses we had found we were able to create gowns that allowed us the capability to move freely. Accompanying my sons Cody and Josiah to prom was such an honor, we both looked forward too. Even though this night was a formal affair we would still have to be caretakers and lift and maneuver my sons through out the evening. Dressing for the occasion had such a deep meaning to us.
I smiled to myself recalling last years Shriners Prom. We had just gotten to the dance, I was helping to get Cody out of my van and stepped on the hem of my dress, while adjusting him in his chair. Only able to find one safety pin, I tried desperately to create a neat gathering of fabric in the front of my ruby red gown and spent the rest of night trying to keep from stressing the satin material. By the end of the night I had ripped my dress down in a several places. I had decided then and there on that night, I would never again choose to wear a gown to the floor. Keeping in mind however to short poses a problem with lifting too. Strapless dresses are also not on my to wear list when I am in my caretaker mode. I am some how unable to lift bodies and keep my top in place. A lesson also learnt the hard way.
With my sons almost magically coordinated with our backless gowns we seem to be ready. Using the left over fabric from shortening our dresses Marie created bow ties and a cumberbun for Josiah to match. I will have to admit however I did have to really talk my both my sons into agreeing to wear the pink bow ties that had been designed for them. Now with their suits pressed we are all looking so forward to this wonderful evening.
While I anxiously await this special evening with my sons I cannot help but think about changes. Not only changes age has made on me but changes the life I am called to live requires of me. My life with Duchenne at times demands of me to surrender and adapt to changes. Changes that I am not always eager to embrace or accept. The effect that this disease has had on my life is so great that even my fashion style has been effected. I will always admire the glittery, and delicate clothing I once could adorn freely. It will always be in me to secretly want to bare my shoulders or cover myself in sequence. The shoes I buy now will have a somewhat lower modest heel to help me stay balanced when lifting more than my weight. On occasion I hope to still attend events that will allow me the opportunity to borrow a few accessories from my younger sisters more youthful wardrobe. I will however let her keep the stilettos on her feet and accept that I must be a bit more grounded and at times even more modest to meet the tender needs of my sons.