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Tuesday, August 21, 2012

The words stung at me as if a wasp had just left a bite.  I felt heat rush to my face as my emotions turned to anger.  I had to leave before things were said  that we might regret later.  Slowly I reached for my purse and began to walk toward the door.  I glanced over to wear he still sat, blankly looking in my direction.  We had been here before.  Challenging each other verbally, had we learnt nothing from sharing our honesty. I paused for a moment wanting to turn back to his direction, hoping somehow magically we could change the moment.  Sadly there was just nothing I could do, with out surrendering my dignity.    I opened the door half hoping that I would feel  his presence behind me. Wanting desperately to be reminded of the warmth we once shared.   The night air chilled me as I stepped out into it.  I knew this was what I had to do.  Taking a deep breath I opened my car door, and climbed in.  He was no where in sight , and  for a split second I pondered the thought of running back inside.  I imagined myself falling  into his strong arms. Could walking  away be this easy, I thought to myself.  For the both of us, it just seemed to be to easy. Could we really have came this far only to throw it all away?

My drive home left me alone with my thoughts.  I wondered why I did not even have a single tear. I felt nothing, a feeling that had become very familiar to me.  It seemed if I showed emotion I was being dramatic, and if I showed nothing I was cold.  It just seemed clear to me that whatever I was, it was just  not the right thing for him.