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Saturday, March 27, 2010

learning to accept help

I looked down at the stairs leading to the Target Field baseball diamond. Sensing the leather front row seats calling to my son Josiah. We watched momentarily as people climbed the stairs. Certainly getting him down there would not require to much effort but the return trip up would demand more muscle strength. Force I was not sure I might be capable of. With out hesitation my Josiah was on his way down the steps on the back of a family friend. Its a gift to have family and close friends who instinctively know when to jump in and help without being asked.

At a recent physical for my sons, I had asked their doctor half lightheartedly if perhaps I could be prescribed steroids. Smiling, I waited for a response. Our eyes engaged briefly in silence, he finally chuckled telling me it might change my feminine petite features some. At a point in my life now where lifting my sons was becoming a real hardship I felt myself feeling desperate. My son Cody out weighed me by five pounds, each day I felt more strain lifting him. I was willing to bargain, barter, to trade in my thin figure for any amount of muscle that might allow me to continue to maneuver and meet my sons needs with out needing assistance every time we went somewhere. If I could only have some extra muscle strength, just to have the ability to transfer Cody from one place to the next without the fear of dropping him or falling myself. I was not given steroids but I was encouraged to keep up my hope. I am not exactly sure what hope and the ability to lift my son have in common if anything. Hope I knew I did have, it was muscle Duchenne was taking from my sons and requiring me to gain.

Today though it felt good to not view the stairs as a threat. I was happy to see Josiah be apart of the crowd. I was pleased he was able to have the opportunity to experience something that was important to him. He did not have to sit on the side and watch other children go where he was not able. It felt good to not have my own limits affect my son.

Even though lifting Josiah for me was not so much of a struggle right now, new challenges were beginning to face us each day. As much as I fought as a single parent I knew our time was coming when we would rely and need outside help more. Sitting next to Josiah I looked out at the people around us, watching other children move freely about. There at my side was my beautiful son, content with having the opportunity to be in that stadium seat, not asking for anything more. We enjoyed the afternoon with my niece and her friend. Touring all that Target Field offered Josiah had no limits to where he could go and what he could see. We confronted obstacles and accepted help with out feeling like a burden. I am blessed, I have family willing to take whatever extra step needed to be there for me and my sons. Always knowing exactly when to be the extra muscle and allowing me and my sons to keep some pride and dignity.

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