I listened in silence to the lyrics. Each note sung held me captive. I was still so easily reminded of what no longer was, and, perhaps never was. I was left a prisoner to my undying dreams and hope. Unable to move, I surrendered to the sweet melody, as waves of emotion consumed me. Almost overwhelmed with desire and conflicted with the harshness of reality, I let my mind and heart replay the heartache I walked away from. Lost in my bittersweet memories, images slowly flashed before me. Images of a time not to long ago that once gave me hope. Moments of time spent in another world. Leaving me now wondering why I was still brought so easily back to yesterday.
I wanted to change what I now felt had wronged me. I wanted to forget the pain I was in many ways growing accustom to. Mostly, I wanted to move on. Move past the hurt and the sorrow that these feelings I once felt, had brought into my world. I did not want the past back but, I wanted the hopes and dreams I had dared to believe in to lead me, again, fearlessly on a new journey.
I listened to the only song that could remind me of so much. The only words that helped me understand why I walked away, from my past. In my mind I knew what I did was right.- Right for me. But still, something inside left me hurting. Left me feeling betrayed by my own emotions. There was nothing left for me to say or do. I needed to be true to myself, but the reality of it all meant, I had walked this journey alone. From the beginning, my desire was all I ever had. Now, here I was listening to the lyrics of a song that summed up everything I had ever meant to say and the emptiness I heard back. " Say something I'm giving up on you."