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Monday, May 19, 2014

breaking the wall

The smoothness of his hand almost alarmed me.  How was it possible I wondered, that my own feminine fingers were more calloused than his. Slowly, he gently began to caress  my feet, that laid across his lap.  I was drawn to the softness of his touch, as each stroke of his strong hand moved in a lingering pattern across the soles of my feet.  I glanced  down at my metalic toenails. Examining the shimmering pattern of color and feeling rather happy that I had spent the effort performing a mini  pedicure in prepping for our date.  It had been such a long time since I had even thought of going barefoot.  With the recent rise in in the outdoor temperature, I found myself  now, finally able to  dress for the season, with a very well broken- in pair of flip flops.   Without so much as a small shift in his attention he continued the conversation between us.  As though holding me close and touching me  now seemed  as natural   as  the feelings that were forming between us.  His voice carried a depth of its own, as he spoke about his grown sons and the things in life he now wanted for himself.  The friendship we shared and how he desired it to bloom.  His voice held such warmth as he spoke,  with a soothing comfort covering me like a southern breeze on a lazy summer day.  Enveloping me  like his embrace,  with each syllable.

I felt myself rather intrigued with his thoughts and opinions.  Slightly, he shifted his weight to reach over and grasp the bottle of sweet red wine we had been enjoying together and poured  me another glass.  I  nestled back down next to him, eager to share more details of our lives. Sipping the wine, leisurely, I drew myself back into the comfort of his company.  I knew the hour was late, but it was as though time held no significance.  I wanted to know more, the hows and whys that had brought him to where he was  now.   On occasion, I  noticed I  pondered momentarily on specific words he used.  Letting them linger with in my own thoughts.  He rejoiced so much in our meeting and openly shared his enthusiasm at what he was beginning to feel towards me, towards us.  I fought hard to not recoil back to the wall, that I had unknowingly  allowed  to attached itself to me. To run and hide behind it.  The wall, I had spent  several years  developing.  A wall created  from years of dating and finding myself lost in  relationships that had always left me in a savage hunger and thirst for something more. Friendships, that failed in satisfying a deep yearning with in me.  A deep seated yearning to know and feel a love that existed beyond conditions of the flesh .     Here I was now, sitting with a man who had only recently captured my attention.  Allowing him to gaze into my eyes as I looked back into his.  Sensing a stirring between us that called to us, to speak from our emotions and the restless parts of our souls.  Deep with in me, I could hear the echoes of my past, urging me to  remain guarded.   But, I also felt a  part  of  me screaming to be released.  Fragments of me hoping,  the  pieces of my heart still remaining intact would  allow me to feel  freely, without hesitations and  fear. 

The night ended with a warm embrace and the slight glaze of our lips, tenderly touching to share  a moment of closeness.  As we said our goodnight and I closed my door, I felt a sense of welcome towards  this new journey and ever so slightly a dent in my wall that drew me into taking once more a risk at love



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