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Monday, October 5, 2009

The boys started off for school a little more tired this morning than usual. As I stretched Cody's legs he pulled the covers over is head, not ready to fully wake up yet. He was so warm and content snuggled under his covers. What would a few more minutes of snooze time hurt before insisting and assisting him to sit up.

My Josiah on the other hand made it clear he was tired but, suffering from a form of "I must be first at all times", forced himself to allow me to help him out of bed and begin his morning routine. Which at all cost must not be interupted. Unless we have the time for tears and a display of complete emotional upset, routines are a very important part of both my younger sons lives.

It is just the way we aprroach most days to keep a happy balance of structure and maintain stability in their already fragile world. Children have been said to be so resilant yet, in this world we have adults who can barely function as quote un quote normal. My belief children are not so resiliant and the scarring occurred from such young ages does infact affect us later on in life. If I can offer my children Love, stability, peace of mind and an enviorment that strives to meet their ever increasing needs I am giving them my best.

Today we are off to a good start for a Monday. No upsets and the busses were on time.

As for me:

I spent the later part of my night last night discussing with a friend relationships
. By the time I did make it to bed I had firmly convinced myself that my past relationships since my divorce were merely phases in my life to get me to where I am today. Confident and Stronger than ever. Having said that I still was left with wondering if falling in love was something I would ever allow myself to do again. It was very obvious I had not ventured down that path in the last five years. Walking away from relationships seemed to cause me no more pain than blinking. Am I becoming hard?

My morning has started off with a few texts from some want to be suitors. Wishing me a good morning and wanting me to consider meeting for drinks later in the week. Oh, it can be a good feeling to be pusued. However, once again I am faced with the challenges of the dating world. Comfortable with who I am I still struggle with where I actually fit in any where and every where. Opening up my life for a mere stranger to peek in is at the very least a difficult task for me. I will admit new beginings do offer the opportunity to show a differnt side of myself. All the same in the end I am still me. Hopelessly searching for love in all the wrong places. Can this time be different?

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